The Lord definitely has our family in training. We find ourselves living a missionary life even though we are not overseas. I must admit at times it gets hard, especially when I look at my two little girls who seem so oblivious to the cares of this life. Yet Abigail has been struggling a little bit with our nomadic lifestyle of late. Since leaving our home in May this year we have stayed at nearly 10 different places, mostly homes of friends and family. Throughout this time Abigail has often asked to go home. Dan and I would say to her that wherever we were staying at the time was our home. This was very difficult for the both of us to try to explain this to our little girl, who doesn’t understand why must be moving around so much. Even now we are staying at a friend’s apartment until we can find a more permanent dwelling place for our family. I say permanent but really mean somewhere we can stay for about 6 months at least.
Many times throughout this journey, I have become so frustrated with all this moving around. Packing and unpacking, living out of suitcases, leaving things all around the country, losing things, having to be extra aware of living in someone else’s house, using their stuff and being at their mercy! It all gets to you at some point.
The last time I had to pack everything up before moving to this yet again temporary place, I couldn’t help but sighing and telling the Lord- “I just want a home.” Almost immediately after saying this He spoke to me, ever so gently but so clearly – “The foxes have holes and the birds of the air have nests, but the Son of Man has nowhere to lay His head.” This caught me a little off guard but I knew it was Him speaking to me. Yes, He is right, I get to share in some small way in the life of my Lord. He was a man who traveled all over Israel proclaiming the good news of the kingdom. And here I am learning what it means to follow my Lord even when the road is not so easy.
In the context of this verse found in Luke 9:57-58, Jesus is speaking to a man who wishes to go wherever He goes. It’s as if Jesus is saying, can you really go wherever I go? Can you really embrace this life that I am living?
Already I have learned a little bit about what it means to sell all your possessions and follow Him. When we moved out of our home in May we sold nearly everything we owned except for a few things we are storing in my dad’s barn. We were preparing to go to China, where we could not take all that stuff. It was a little hard to part with some things, but the Lord kept reminding me that they are just things. God has never really allowed us to get too attached to our stuff as we have learned before, losing nearly everything in an apartment fire four years ago. Here one moment and gone the next…stuff doesn’t last, it’s not eternal. We must live for that which is eternal which can never be taken away. We must store up for ourselves treasures in heaven where moth or rust cannot destroy. These truths which our Lord spoke of are becoming reality to me as I embrace this life as a disciple of Jesus.
At times it can be hard, Jesus never promised it would be easy, but for the most part I am rejoicing that I can obey the word of the Lord and fulfill His calling on my life.
When we were living in our little basement apartment for the past three months, Abigail would often say, “this is our home right?” And we would say “Yes” but then we moved, and she was confused all over again. “I want to go home” she would say, and we would once again try to explain these things to her. But how much can a three year old understand? So I told her to pray and ask God for a new home, one which He will provide very soon. She has really taken this to heart because she often says, “we are going to a new home right? God is going to give us a new home.” This really brings joy to my heart, because I can see her learning to trust God to provide everything we need. I can hardly wait until we are in a new home -our home though I know better than to get too attached. : )
Before coming to Kansas City the Lord gave me Psalm 84. This whole chapter talks about being in the House of the Lord. I felt that this was His leading us to the House of Prayer. He also impressed upon my heart verse 3- “The bird also has found a house and the swallow a nest for herself where she may lay her young….” I felt this was a promise from the Lord to provide a home for me and my family. The desire of my heart is to have a little bit of stability for my children amidst a lot of uncertainty concerning our future. The Lord reminded me of this passage when just the other day I was really struggling with not having a place of our own. We were at FCF (Forerunner Christian Fellowship) on Sunday and the worship leader was singing this psalm. Later when we were home I read it again. The Lord comforts me with these words “For the Lord God is a sun and shield; The Lord gives grace and glory; NO good thing does He with hold from those who walk uprightly.” Psalm 84:11
Through all of this moving around We are learning the true meaning of sojourning. Just like the Israelites who wandered around in the desert before entering the promised land. In this age we are to live like strangers and aliens looking forward to our true home which will come when His kingdom on earth is established. Then I will be at home, then I will feel at home. This world is just a temporary dwelling place. I’m not to ‘feel’ at home here, I’m not to ‘fit’ in here. I’m not to get comfortable here. My hope is not in this life. When I am with Jesus living in eternity with Him, that is when my life will really begin. It’s often hard to think that way cause we can be so wrapped up in the here and now, but we have all eternity to be with Jesus, the life we are living now is truly but a moment.
This Christmas season as I think about the birth of Jesus, Our Lord whom the world had no room for when He came, was born in a stable. Even in his birth he had no home, indicating the life he would lead on this earth. He lived among the world yet not belonging to it, and so must we. Even though my life right now doesn’t hold a candle to His, in some miniscule way I am able to walk as He walked and this gives me real JOY!
